Wednesday 23 May 2018

My Inspiration For Becoming A Young Mum

At the orthodontist for work experience, I found myself flicking through the pages of a magazine that must have been Vogue (Edit: It was the November 2008 edition of Vogue US). I came across a double page spread consisting of a fabulous photoshoot and interview with model Natalia Vodianova, her then-husband and her three children.

Reading the interview I learnt a few fascinating things about Vodianova. She had her first child at the tender age of 19, worked very hard at life and aimed to continue to do so. She also wanted five children, did a lot of charity work and had amazing eyebrows.

At that point, I had just escaped an era of my life where I was surrounded by overly analytical and critical, cruel individuals who were obsessed with looks. Eyebrows had to be thin. It meant femininity. But, here was this gorgeous model mother with completely natural eyebrows. Something in me clicked at that moment and I decided that thicker eyebrows were the way to go. Some time soon after that, I discovered Brooke Shields and the rest is history.

Now, back to the main focus of this article. I had always wanted children at a young age. Specifically, I wanted them in my 20s. I did not want to do what my mother did and begin having children in my 30s and regret it. When I saw such a strong woman like Natalia Vodianova, proudly telling the world in Vogue US that she was a young mum and was having it all, all her hardships and aspirations, I was inspired.

She showed me that having children did not hinder your dreams unless you chose it to. She showed me that you did not have to look dowdy when you become a mum. If anything, she showed me that you could, in fact, look even more beautiful than ever. Most importantly, you could feel that her children made her stronger, a go-getter and a selfless hard worker.

That article I chanced upon at the orthodontist clinic that day was like the final seal on the envelope that contained everything I wanted to accomplish in my own life.

Several years on, Natalia accomplished her dreams of having 5 children and setting up further charities together with modelling work. I am pregnant with my third child at 25, escaped several abusive and unhealthy environments and aim to further my education and personal goals as opportunities present themselves.

A small reminder that you can have it all. All it takes is a strong vision and good time.



Tuesday 8 May 2018

This Overwhelming Loneliness

Lately, I've been feeling extremely lonely. I think it's to do with my pregnancy hormones as I've always been 'alone'.

When you're pregnant, you feel generally very happy and accomplished. You want everyone you tell to be happy for you too, especially those you hold close to your heart. You secretly hope gifts will come rolling in for your new baby out of love and consideration of others.

The reality is, however, nobody actually cares that you are having a child; especially another child. A third baby? Are you sure? Will you keep it? All questions that I had not heard with my first two pregnancies.

When you decide to have a third child, it's like as though you've broken some sort of unwritten ladies code. Do you really want to be outnumbered by your children? How will you cope? And what about finances? How dare you be bold enough to have another human?!

Combine this with the fact that I am 'young' by society's standards to have any children at all, and that my peers have not had the privilege to experience childbirth and you result with a very isolating situation. Some are not mean spirited but simply can't relate. Others are jealous of their ever ticking biological clock. Having children symbolises strength for most women, consciously or otherwise.

My sister-in-law purposefully refuses to ask me how I am. Almost all of the few people I converse with on a regular basis have cut off all communication with me.

Strangers back off when they hear that this is my third pregnancy. They don't know how to react. To be honest, even I don't know quite know how to embrace the fact that I will soon be a mummy to three little people.

Usually, I'm quite alright with being alone, but pregnancy makes me different. It makes me crave attention and care, at least from the few people I talk to. Forget the 'gifts', I'll be happy with a simple 'how are you?', if you can afford it.


Friday 4 May 2018

It's Time to Blog... Again

I used to have a FreeWebs site when I was a young teenager. It was nothing serious but a lot of fun. It opened my eyes to the wonders of having your own 'website'.

I never seriously had a blog until I was pregnant with Thing 1. As most first time mums, I enjoyed documenting my feelings and Thing 1's developments along with midwife appointments and milestones. I even went as far to blog after the birth. It didn't last however, and as I became used to being a mother and slowly realised baby content can be mundane and seriously uninteresting for a lot of humans.

Regrettably, I deleted that blog in its entirety, posts and all. Details in memories lost. Looking back now, I would have probably kept that blog alive by closing it to the public only but I was embarrassed by my writing style and the personal level on which it was written. I was also still in contact with various people I would rather not have been which kept me stunted and prevented me from growing and flourishing into my own, true identity.

Several years have passed since then, a lot of things have changed. In the last 3 years, I feel as though I have been able to come into my own -not completely- a little more and cut loose a lot of baggage I had been carrying around for years.

Now that I am in a different country with different associates, a new look and a new outlook, I feel as though I can start afresh. With this blog, I intend to practice my writing and practice my writing and practice my writing. I would love for it to be read but I do not mind if it is not.

The proper purpose of this blog is for me to document my feelings and thoughts without the hassle and clutter of pen and paper. It is for me to learn and grow as a writer. It is so that I may pave the path for my dreams to come true.

Here's to a new beginning.


SATURDAY MORNINGS ARE FOR DESSERTS

After a busy school week I like to create a chill and cosy Saturday morning so the kids can feel relaxed. This morning I conjure...